Spring

I've been thinking about the past couple of years 

and how far you've come.

Remembering back to how you struggled with yourself

once you realized that you are God's and meant for so much more 

than you ever could imagine.

Once you knew you were better eternally 

than you could ever live up to in flesh. 

How you would cry and tell me that you didn't like yourself,

that you hated the way you couldn't do the right things.

How you beat yourself up and sounded so much like 

Paul, in the Bible.

How I prayed and pleaded with God to help me

to help you.

And I'm sure your struggles aren't over.

I'm sure you will fold and wonder and cry and maybe even self loath again.

But for now, you are in such a sweet season. 

So happy and true and alive. 

You've really grown.

You are proud and humble.

Strong and kind.

Wonderful and wonder-filled, 

in awe of our God,

in you.

And I really did feel like there might be 

no end to your pain and trouble at some stops.

But this clearing is a lesson to me:

God is working you out.

He's got you.

He loves you more than I can 

and is not going to let you go any more than ever I would.

I see SO much of you, your Dad, myself, and our God in your eyes.

And that makes me breathe deep and smile from the inside out.