So tomorrow you turn 9 years old. 

If any of it rang true for me, I'd say "whoa" or "I can't believe it" or "it's gone by so fast", like most Moms exclaim when their kids turn another year older. 

But truly, sometimes I can't believe you're only nine. You're such  a young man already.

And it hasn't gone by fast for me, my love. Rather, it's been one long, beautiful, wonderful, fantastically full nine years. None of which I'd missed a single second, until now.

Now that you have begun your first year of public school, I am missing out on large chunks of our allotted time together, quite intentionally so.

And I don't regret one bit of it. We all would have been wrong to have held ourselves back from what God has for us this year in our public school adventure. Part of our history together is going to include this one year in particular where you and I learned to part ways and spread our own wings a little bit - where we made some room in ourselves for something besides coodles and snoogles and oodles of JUST US. 

This is the year where we won't end anywhere or way in the same place we began. 

And everyday feels like somebody opened a door on a cool spring day - like a butterfly came out of it's cocoon. 

And as different and sometimes difficult as it is to miss out on having every second of you, I already appreciate all this is worth.

I love watching you become a you who isn't geared and steered by my own rudders. 

I love watching you decide, and even more, evaluate the outcomes and re-decide. 

You really are a wonder to me, how resourceful and capable you are on your own.

I have heard you talk about how it's all going by so fast for you - how you want your life and you don't even like having dejah-vue, because it feels like it cuts into your time, "because what's the point if you already know what's coming next, Mom?"

Just nine, huh? One day your age and your face will match all that is going on in there. 
I would have been blessed to know what you do and think the way you can by just nine years old.

And don't you worry, little one, I'm still right here, loving and watching every minute. 


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