You learned your first scripture and reference, Ephesians 6:1. And your comprehension, questions, revisions, and fast memorization blew me away.
Following that, you wrote Gra a letter, did your spelling, finished the last of your side-by-side addition lessons (or coupling as you've chosen to call it), and finished lesson 69 of 100 in your reading program, all by 10:30am.
After playing awhile so I could clean up the house and get ready to leave, you and I headed out the door to go grocery shopping. I noticed as we were leaving that something was different about you. You seemed more innocent and less skeptical and on edge. You were soft and gentle and almost trusting in a way that you have never been since you were an infant (and even then, sometimes i wonder if i mistook your dependance for trust).
You stayed that way, to where I felt like I had a "little boy" instead of this mastermind mini adult fastening everything I say and do just so.
In fact... I wrote something down that you said this morning before we did school and the Bible verse:
"Mom. You know how all my life when you’ve said something and I’ve said 'I know it'? Remember all those times? Well, I was just bein’ funny. I don’t really know all of it. "
It was like you had an epiphany of some sort out of the blue. And you kicked back about 10 notches during the corse of the day. It was wonderful.
Don't get me wrong. Your mind and intensity fascinate me. I'm IN LOVE with everything about you. Even your sass. You've made this same impression on anyone who has really looked at you, and everyday you become more and more brilliant and amazing. I wouldn't change an ounce of that for you to be a more "usual" boy.
But having your guard down, seeing you so soft and little, even if it were just for today, was so special for me.
I know that it can not be easy or fun, the way you tick, how your wheels spin constantly, what causes you to come up with your inquisitions and then have us all abiding in a learned understanding that you will take absolutely NOTHING but the closest thing to truth and reality as we can give a 4 year old-going on 40. And as much as I want fun and easy for you, I respect you more than to wish it over who you are; insightful, driven, consistent, intelligent, serious, testing, watching, choosing wisely and intentionally.
I don't know if God allowed you to let up on your grip today because it was required to extend the healing He's doing onto you, or if you're actually feeling safe enough to let up because of the healing, but whatever it is, I'm grateful.
And Levi, and the book, and Nina, and Warren, and your "cat" revelation... it just all comes together like a puzzle He's been building.
God is so wildly incredible and so involved.
I promise to take care of you, Zeek. To let you go where you are going with help from God, and to not hold you back. I will keep giving up what I'm asked to give up. I will keep letting go of all my pre-conceived ideas of what is normal and "right" for you, for me, for our family... I know He knows. And that's enough for me.
You are so loved and cherished. My little warrior.
Love Always, Your Mama
