a rough one

Addition: not because I can't have a bad day, because I can. And do. But because I want to remember this hope. Today didn't end up being so bad after all. Zeek and I read a lot, then we did A LOT of art:

He played with playdough while I made porcupine meatballs for dinner. During which time this occurred; 
Zeek: what's all the white stuff in these?
Me: that's rice in the meatballs.
Greg: they're called porcupine meatballs.
a few minutes later Zeek has a mouthful of meatball, a stink face, and he says in a disgruntled voice: 

Zeek at very well (even his broccoli) and after dinner we all snuggled on the couch toggling tv shows between monster trucks and the sandwich show. This is the first time Zeek has watch big people shows with us for any period of time. We usually play with him until bedtime, but Greg wasn't feeling great. 

I read BabyZeek.com to Zeek as he drifted off, and I'm left here beside him in his bed with the snoring dog and my laptop. 
just wanted to add...it's really not so bad after all. :)


Today, I'm being kind of a loser. I really have very little motivation. I'm not handling things well. I'm letting Zeek go on cruise control. I'm questioning all my decisions and plans. I'm watching too much TV, overeating, and checking nothing on the computer too often.

I know that if I spend some time with God I'll be better off... if I go do some yard work and burn something or take a walk, I'll feel a little lighter... if I make some cookies and bring them over to Teri's I'll come out my funk... but I'm kind of a poop right now, so I don't want to. :(

It sucks, what a temperamental balance I have to work with. One day I'm fine and the next I'm a confused jumble.
And which is real? How sure I am on a good day, or how sure I am I'm all wrong on a bad day? because it sure does feel like the latter.