So, I'm not sure if it's been the events themselves that have caused you to start wiggling around like you are in your Faith, or if the events were strategically placed just so that you would start questioning and growing, but whatever it is, you are on the move!
I've made a promise to you this week that I would not blog about your personal and private business. You were concerned about sharing some things with me because you were worried that I would blog them and everyone would know. :)
So in keeping with my promise I will not list the events specifically that I think have led you to where you are right now. But I will say, you have been asking some pretty big questions. Things that I didn't ask or wonder about until I was in my early teens.
A few weeks ago, right before our night time prayers, you asked me if I needed you to believe in God. You said that you were thinking maybe you only believe in Him because you'd been told to. When I told you that it is my job to teach you about Him, and it's completely up to you if you want to invite Him into your life in any way, you asked if you could stop praying out loud with me, or if that would upset me. I assured you that you did not have to pray with me anymore. And so you stopped.
I was not worried about this one bit. I know Who created you, and Who He created you for. I expect you might go through these things, and I like you doing it sooner than later. ;)
About a week later your friend Luke was baptized and you attended.
Later you asked me if I thought Luke did it because it was fun, or if her really believed in Jesus.
Some personal things happened in your life, and you really started to break it down.
Almost nightly, we would crawl into bed to read our horse book, and you would open up the flood gates asking,
"what if I'm not on God's team... how do I know... look at all the wrong things I've done... all the times you've sent me to my room in my life... why don't I feel better when I just tell you what I've done wrong... how do old people KNOW God is real... how could Jesus have really come here... is it okay if the only reason I want God is so I don't go to hell... do kids really have to care about all this yet..."
It's been fun.
I say very little.
I know you know the answers to the majority of these questions. This is what I've been teaching you, knowing it wasn't connecting in your heart quite yet. Now is the time for all that connecting to start. And that's God's business. I'm just praying and listening. Smiling and breathing.
I'm so grateful to be on this journey right next to you, watching your own.
I love this the most of us, yet.