too much

i need to relive two years ago. living in the house where i always wanted something else. the time when i enjoyed every single moment i had with my then two year old. watching his every move in amazement. happily juggling the schedule of two, with Jay during the weekdays...

i need to remember those days when i believed that financial freedom and security would make life SO much better. and that living in more space, in the country just outside of town, with our own places to explore in our own big backyard would cause us to enjoy ourselves so much more...

i can't help but recognize how much time i had when things were simpler because they had to be. or how much we LOVED the few times we left in the jeep to go exploring someplace bigger (wild life sanctuary, baird creek, pamperin park).

i can't help but note that it's no wonder we felt like life was making such a huge transition when we moved here. the money. the amazing inside space. the extra outdoor space. outside of the city...

and then there were the visitors.
the amount of company alone changed everything.
and certainly for the better, then.

today, i am in over my head. the holiday is approaching and the gift planning, making, buying, preparing (having been the biggest pain to me in the past) is the most enjoyable part of it all.

my list is 18 serious things long: well here. so that next year i can look back and be SURE not to do this again...

* paint living room art
* create art for kitchen
* purge house
* close up and clean screened room
* make three wreaths
* decorate mantel
* make pizza gifts
* finish Christmas shopping
* package, wrap and send out gifts
* make Natalie's gift
* make Morgan's gift
* finish hallway art
* make Zeek's box castle
* paint and ready kid's table
* clean out boxes in garage
* clean crazy craft room
* move out of kitchen, clean EVERYTHING and move back in
* hang Christmas cards

and yes, the majority of these are FUN. but not when i've already decorated with lights in the yard, the tree and themed woods stick trees and ornaments, hand made five cone trees, purchased all the table settings for Christmas Eve, and done almost all of the Christmas shopping!

When does it stop?!

I'm afraid that this has a lot to do with hosting Christmas Eve. Which I'm SO happy to do. but some of it is just having so much more space (you know, that which would make everything easier?), and of course the money to afford so much (you know, that which would make everything better?).

I feel like my plans are going to leave zeek in the dust, and i will never have his four year old Christmas again.

and i was going to say that i would vow not to let this happen "next year". but now that i've gotten it all out, i'm going to vow not to let it happen this year.

I'm changing my schedule.

*enjoy painting my little dream Christmas art on the huge canvas i bought for it
*let Zeek make the frame art for the kitchen
*purge the house even harder than i was going to (because this is going to help us all SO very much)
*bake cookies with Zeek
*close up that screen room and make it cute so Zeek and i can play on it.
*bring snow into the screen room and play in it with Zeek
*complete the one big wreath and screw the other two. no one will ever know!
*take a morning to go pick out new library books with Zeek instead of pre ordering then online, and hit Dairy Queen on the way home together.
*simplify the mantel plan and just stick it up there already!
*make popcorn and watch lady and the tramp with Zeek while i make the pizza gifts
*Christmas shopping is FUN
*so is packaging, wrapping, and sending gifts
*let Zeek play with a whole can of shaving cream at the kitchen table while i make natalie's gift
*BUY Morgan something
*screw the hallway art
*make a box castle for Zeek on the bridge while he's sleeping on christmas eve WITH my Mom!!! she'll rock at it, and what great memories we will have. :)
* let Zeek paint the kid's table while I prep the top stuff
*screw the boxes in the garage. they aren't going anywhere.
*clean the craft room (because i have to)
*get over my freaky cleaning standard and give the kitchen a lick and promise
*hang up the beautiful Christmas cards with care.

I feel so much better.