baby steps to a big decision

Today I made an appointment for us to visit the Pre-school up the road on Thursday morning.

I've been considering it for awhile now, looking into enrolling Zeek in that center for a few hours a couple of days a week. The older he gets the clearer it becomes that he needs more social interaction. And as much as I am struggling with the first big step to providing that, I know in my heart that it's best thing for him. I know that we would be doing him a selfish disservice not to give this to him right now.

I'm trying to focus on the positives. It's laughable to think of myself as a mom who drops her kid off and picks her kid up. :( That MY kid might go to a "day care". That I would have to find some kind of enjoyment in having three hours, two or three days a week on my own. I'm just not that mom.

But I know how good this will be for him. How much more of "him" he/we will discover when he is encouraged to break out of his little (kitten) shell and be Zeek to a small censored little area of the world. All on his own. When he has the normal surroundings of other people and children to interact with.

Along with our plan to homeschool has always been the condition that it would be based on the individual child.
If anyone asked me what one thing Zeek needs that he doesn't have, I would say "people". Consistent contact with everyday people and other children. The lack of this is not only squelching his potential, but it's breaking him down. It's drying him out.
I know that being home, alone, with me in the country, all day long, everyday... even with Jaymee, the YMCA, the emporium and all... he is being held back.
Something isn't right about this.
I can feel that it is time for him to step out a little bit.

Almost a year ago God told me this would come in a much more specific way. I couldn't believe it and I hated it then.
But I'm starting to understand now.

I feel like a whole different stage of parenting is coming into play, and I was never prepared for things to change so much as they have, so quickly. But he's not a baby anymore. And he deserves this. Just like we deserve to be allowed to make our choices, right and wrong, good and bad. It wouldn't be fruitful if we couldn't.

And I KNOW that's God, because it goes against everything I've believed for years. all in one night.

Thank You God. Bring us, despite me. Guide and lead us in Your Will.