I can't count how many times I've been disappointed in the content of the new journal I started at the beginning of September. As I finished off the pages of my last journal I looked so forward to the fresh pages of the new adorable Xenia Taler journal I had in waiting. I was so excited that the start dates of each were so close to being one year apart to the day.
And when it was time to switch I wrote on the inside page of the new:
"This will be the second full journal that I am proud of...
Another GREAT year ahead!"
and then as soon as it started, my excitement was over.
Then began a season of introversion
Depression fought for me
Confusion took over for a time
Greg got bit, then MRSA
I got MRSA and haven't been healthy since
and I kept saying "little did I know... I guess this book won't be as great as the last one..."
And then today I realized that the last book began with
The end of blogging for me
The letting go of two dear friends who were breaking me down
My photography crapping out
Grandma Ruth beginning her journey to leave us
And Nemo biting Zeek and having to be put down
And yes, there was unsurpassable freedom after the process of blog-less-ness ran it's course.
And there was healing around the corner for Emily and I.
And God granted grace in allowing Holly and I to peacefully part.
And my photography changed itself over and I learned that much like everything else, it will never be the same, and that is a good thing.
And Grandma Ruth didn't leave us, well not completely.
And we're all healing from Nemo and now there is Yuki.
But it didn't seem all that great in the start. In fact, one month in we found the house and God spoke and we waited for six months. And six months would have felt like forever at a time before God stretched me until patience became mine.
So how do I know that the current laundry list of what seems like a crap shoot of misfortune isn't in preparation for more unfolding, revealing, growing and healing He has up His sleeve for me in this journal's course?
Who am I to determine that this one isn't going to be any good?
What if it is?
In fact, I think it just might be, after all a really great journal journey.