you are growing up so fast i can not even stand it or believe it.
you are so tall.
your actions are so personal and specifically "you".
you are saying things that are all yours, too. not the way you used to, when you would make something cute up. no. things i can more consistently characterize as your things.

you are SUCH a boy.

you want to race cars and "ka-chow!"
you love to speed and zoom and crash and you are so bellowing and commanding. not really in a loud way, just in an all guy kind of way. :)

you sing EVERYTHING in a rap-like dictation. you're playing "da-da-da-daddy car" or eating "ch-ch-chereos!" or "watch me drive fast fast FASTER!!!"

you love chereos. all of them. yogurt, fruity, honey nut, banana nut, regular...
you love feta cheese THE MOST. you love chicken cheddar cheese nibblers, and mac n cheese, and spaghetti, meatballs, pb&j, and fish fingers!!! :)
you are eating a little more like Uncle Tony than like Withering Zeeky, now a days.
sometimes i don't know where you are putting it all. :)

you play xbox360.
you love to play our iphone applications.
you love to watch Kipper the dog, Diego, Dinosaur Train, Wow wow wubzy...
you LOVE doing artsy things.
you love to play with Yuki.
you love Steve your stuffed dog and greenie your moving mewing cat.
legos, matchbox cars, tracks of any kind...

you love info-mercials. especially oxy clean, which you call "opsy clean", and the toothpaste dispenser that hangs on the wall. both of which we have bought for you.

you love to learn. you do school a little less enthusiastically but that's because you aren't a compliant guy. you'd rather not do something that someone else wants you to. ever.

you can count to 100 with very little guidance (mostly at the ten stops).
you are reading (lesson 55 in teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons).
you are learning money and adding. we are waiting for your math-u-see primer program to come in. you are too ready for it.

you are still in "play school" two days a week for three hours a day. we are considering starting you three days a week soon. you like it a lot, but you are very particular about who you play with and talk to. you don't like to just jump into things at play school. you are skeptical and a little leery.

i feel bad for you when you struggle with the boys. you're not big on the rambunctious, hyper, kick butt kind of behavior they display with one another. you don't watch the things that they watch on TV, or play the things they play in video games, so all that aggression isn't yours.
you also don't see people talking mean to others. so being called "kid" in a derogatory way by another kid hits hard.
i wonder if you think there is something wrong with you because you don't get it.
because you don't want swords and guns and fists and meanness.
i wonder if i'm doing something wrong keeping you (a boy) from those things for the most part.

my main intention in steering clear of it is to stay consistent with the "he who is first is last and he who is last will be first" molding. i can't imagine that fighting, swording, shooting, lipping off or taking aim at someone else in anyway to fire off so they will lose, fake-die, be hit, hurt, punished, pushed away, turned away, etc... would be good training for your heart.
everything you're allowed to do is practice right now. practice for the man you are growing into.

we are influenced in our minds and hearts by what we see. people don't see things differently. we all see the same thing. it's what we DO with what we've seen that's different. i want you to remain humane. i want bad things being done to people "for real" or not, to disgust you. not enthuse.
and it's one of the very few things i am sure of. one of the things i'm willing to be wrong about rather than slide and compromise on.

you go to bed at night between 6:30 and 7:30 depending on how you hang. you have NO problem going to bed or to sleep. you get your jams on, brush your teeth, say goodnight to which of us isn't reading to you. then we pick books, get in your bed, pray, coodle and talk a little usually, then read. you fall asleep SO fast. like, within minutes. and you sleep until between 6:30 and 7:30. funny. i never put together that 12 hour on the dot time span. :)

you are a GOOD sleeper. but you do get up once in the night, sometime between midnight and 4am. and every night you come down to our room to snuggle in with us.
i love this because i get to wake up with you all wrapped up in my arms. but honestly, at four years old, we are trying to figure out a way to teach you to sleep in your room all night. we are not going to make you, or tell you that you can't come down.
that would not be consistent with our style at all. (aka: we can't handle the thought of you being on your own and sad. not proud, but true.)
we'll figure it out. together.
you're smart, and capable. :)

and hot off the press; you are no longer interested in me. :( in fact, if it weren't for food and drink you would hardly have anything to do with me these days.
Mama = Boring. Rules. Discipline.
I don't get coodles, snoogles, loovin', or kisses unless i take them. and even then they are briefly tolerated.
you don't even want me to read to you at night anymore. you ask for your Daddy.
it is sad and hard for me.
i miss you.
baby boy.