To my not-so-tiny sweetness,

Today, I wrote this to a friend who I do "three things" with:

Three things I MISS about my “little” boy turned big.

  1. the way he wanted ME more than anything in the world. ALWAYS. Today he woke up, untangled himself from my arms and said, “move, I gotta go see what my Dad is up to!” :(
  2. the sweet way he looked at me like I was the most beautiful, intelligent, amazing, princesest, fabulous woman alive. Today, I’m lucky if he sees anything but through me on his was past my boring, rule enforcing, food making, otherwise nothingness, shell of a woman. :(
  3. the way I understood every little thing there was about him and how it got there. Today, I barely recognize my own kid and what he’s made of. Not that it’s bad stuff, it’s just so HIM and not me or us at all. Just BOY and ZEEK. Fast and furious and full of stuff I didn’t put in there. It hurts. 

Tonight it is just you and me. Your Daddy is held up at work with a catastrophe that he called us at around noon for prayer about. :( It will probably be a late night for him.

Today was a mix for us. I'm not sure if you have the weird sleepy cold thing I have or if you are just reacting to me having it, but you are a piece of work. Off and on with sweet and sass. All day long.

You like to try to wear big daddy sized pants, and it gets you into a lot of trouble. You say things like, "good, now get it out of my face" and you like to rebuttal to my discipline with threats like, "I'll send YOU to your room!"
I have been consistently working on you about your lip and how you talk to you Mom. I honestly think you don't fully understand. And I'll take the blame for that. I guess.

In between sassy you have been SO sweet. Cuddly a little. Friendly for sure.

When I got out of the shower and dressed today I was laying on the bed in my room just thinking. You came in and compassionately asked, "what's the matter, Mama?" You crawled up to cuddle me and I assured you nothing was wrong. I was just resting and thinking. You were giving me love and you touched my hair. You said, "well, you didn't take a shower so why do you smell like tangerines?"
I just hadn't washed my hair, but I DO use tangerine body wash. :)

Tonight, I told you that you could sleep in my bed with me since Daddy wasn't going to be here. You were very excited. Later you did some more sassing to me while we were sorting your legos into their new storage containers. I told you that you would not be sleeping in my room if you couldn't talk nice. You kept up the sass, so I decided to have you write as a consequence for the first time.

I gave you your lined paper and a pencil and told you to sit at the table and write mama a note telling me you were sorry and you wouldn't do it again.

I worked on your dinner while you wrote at the table. You were so diligent and adorable with your tongue out, I had to take a photo. of course.

You asked me how to spell "you" and I told you. And later you asked what to put at the end. I said "who are you? you just write who you are, like signing your name."

This was your letter:


dEr mome (dear mommy)

i Em sorE (i am sorry)

i WL B GD (I will be good)

I Luv YoYou (i love you)

I eM A sBeShAL BY Zip (i am a special boy. zip) 

SO special. I LOVE it.
and you are sleeping in my bed as I type this. :)

You are getting so big. It is hard to let go of the "little" things about you. But I am learning to enjoy the many new "big" things that you can do now that you never did in your cuddly, sweet, Mama's boy days.

I love you, Special Boy, Zip.